We Know It’s Wrong, So Why Do We Still Do It?

At some point in life, we have all felt this. We know exactly what is right and what is wrong. We know that eating more than we need is not good. We know that scrolling on the phone for hours for no reason is not good. We know that making excuses or reacting in anger is not good. Yet when the situation arrives, we often do the very thing we already knew was wrong.

The surprising part is that our sense of right and wrong does not disappear in that moment. Somewhere inside, it is clearly visible that the act is unnecessary. Still, it feels as if a pull is dragging us in that direction and we cannot stop ourselves.

So is there a desire behind this? Is it pleasure, will, conditioning, or something else? And if we can see it in that very moment, why do we still make the mistake? This is not one person’s question. It belongs to thousands of people, perhaps almost everyone who cannot control their emotions and impulses in the moment.

There are many layers behind a desire

When you look deeply, you find that the wish to do something has many layers hidden behind it. It is not what it looks like from the outside. So first, we need to understand what the situation actually is.

The sweet. You are sitting at home and your eyes fall on a sweet. You have just eaten and your stomach is full. Still, the mind says, “Let me just taste one.” You pick up a rasgulla and put it in your mouth.

The boss. At office, you know that what your boss is telling you is meant for your own growth. But because he is pointing something out, you take it as a hit to your ego. Anger rises. You get frustrated. You do not know what to do next. You feel like quitting.

The road. You are driving and someone suddenly overtakes you. You know it means nothing. But something inside you kicks in and you start chasing the other car.

You know you should not get angry, yet many situations come where, even if you want to, you cannot control yourself. So how do we make the same mistake again and again even though we know better?

What does “knowing” really mean?

Knowing means knowing what the purpose behind our action should be. The moment we forget that purpose, we do whatever the mind wants in that moment, or we react.

Science has shown that human beings largely live on stimulus and response. Whenever something comes in front of us, we have a reaction. That reaction is natural. It comes from instinct, and it happens not only to us but to every animal and bird.

The greatest strength a human being has is awareness: knowing that the reaction is in his own hands. But many people simply get swept away in the flow of the reaction.

Think about it a little more deeply. The reaction is one thing, and the one who is reacting is another. When the one who reacts sees the reaction clearly, he does not react. He responds.

Something happens in front of you. The information reaches you. Your mind processes it and says, “Yes, this has happened.” Suppose someone defames you. A feeling rises and you feel bad. After that feeling, the intellect says, “He insulted you.” But if you use your conscience (vivek) at that point, you realise that what you are doing is only a reaction. To respond, you have to use your conscience.

That is the biggest difference between intellect (buddhi) and conscience (vivek). The intellect gives you information and identification. The conscience teaches you the difference between right and wrong, and between truth and falsehood.

The phone, the dopamine and the invisible result

You know that scrolling for hours is wrong, yet you keep doing it. The phone is in your hand and your brain is addicted to that dopamine. You look at the phone, dopamine releases inside you, it settles over your mind, and to get more of it you use the phone. It feels as if you are being pulled along.

What actually happened? The moment you saw the phone, a feeling was born in you: the feeling of a future in which you will feel very good after using it. Under the excuse of that good feeling, you start using the phone. You know the harm of the phone, but in that moment you cannot see the harm, so you take the step as a reaction.

In the same way, when you feel anger or irritation, you react instead of responding, because in that moment you cannot make the right decision. You cannot use your discernment. You react purely under the control of emotion.

Do you see what is happening here? The results you are getting do not look wrong immediately. You do know about them, but because they are not in front of your eyes, you do something you regret later. The root of the problem is that in that moment you know, but you are not aware. You know, but you cannot see the far-reaching consequence.

It is the same when a task is waiting for you. You think, “I’ll do it later. In a little while. In a little while.” Your brain is avoiding the task. You know it is urgent, but because you are not aware, you cannot clearly see how important it is to do it right now. You feel it will turn out fine even if you do it later. You make the mistake knowingly, because you cannot see the result immediately.

Or take sweets. You know that eating sweets is very bad for your health, but you keep telling yourself, “It’s okay, let me eat today, we’ll see later.” Then you go to the doctor, and the doctor shows you the report. Your blood sugar has gone up. Now you try to make sure it does not happen, because you have received the result right away.

So the real question is this: is merely knowing enough to hold you back from something? No. After knowing, it is necessary to see the matter clearly and understand its consequence clearly. So far, three things have happened:

1. You know the thing.
2. You still do it, because you do not get the result right away.
3. You are not aware.

Simply see what is happening

If a situation comes in front of you and, instead of reacting, you just see it clearly and understand what is really happening, you will be in a much better position.

Here is another way to understand it. The ego within you gets itself involved in the act. Have you noticed how good actors perform so perfectly that you cannot believe what their real personality is like? People actually started hating Amrish Puri. In reality he was a very good human being, but he was such a wonderful actor that people began to hate him because he played such characters. Your ego plays the same kind of role. It takes that character as its own, and it hides so skillfully in the background that you cannot see it.

So whenever a situation comes, pause for a moment and ask, “What is happening here?” If you feel you are about to lose control, make yourself a neutral witness. Just watch, and watch clearly. See what game is being played. Which ego is showing off its play? Which ego is hiding behind the scenes?

Just as the sun gets covered when clouds come across the sky, your intelligence gets covered even though you know. Then you make a decision that you regret later.

Psychologists say that the human brain is the largest among all living beings, and that people want to conserve energy in the brain. Because of this, people do not want to think, and because we do not think, we cannot become aware. The moment you take one step back, you realise what is going on and what game is being played. Then you see what is needed.

What is this pull?

When there is attraction toward an action, it means something tempting is there. Look at flies. Somehow they keep searching and end up sitting on the sweet. What is that attraction? Why is it so big in that moment? What is dragging you in that direction? Is it a joy born in that moment that will later prove harmful?

If it is the joy of that moment, or the satisfaction of the ego, then understand that you are not seeing. You are getting lost in the situation and getting intoxicated.

You must have seen drunk people. They feel that life is only what they are living. Talk to them and they will say, “Hey fool, where have you found any joy in life?” But when you come back to your senses, you see what is happening. You can accept reality. You recognise and understand it, going beyond what you call “knowing.”

Seeing as a whole

That is why merely knowing is not important. Seeing is just as important. And what we usually call seeing is not seeing in the true sense. The full meaning of seeing is to see something in a complete way. It is not seeing only what you want to see. It is seeing its cause, its action and its result. Selective seeing is not seeing at all.

When you start seeing something as a whole, you understand what you should do and what you should not do.